May 8, 2005
"Kids Need a D.A.D."
Extreme Makeover Family Edition—Part 6
Selected Scriptures
Three types of Dads you don't want to be:
A man's own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the LORD.
—Proverbs 19:3
Distracted Dad
This is the father who doesn't care enough to provide structure for his children. He is distracted by the demands of work and other obligations. This dad's words are too often, "I don't care what you do."
The message the child hears is, "No, I don't love you and, yes, you can have your own way as long as it doesn't interfere with my plans."
Accommodating Dad
This is the father who wants to be more of a friend than a parent. "Sure son, whatever you want to do!"
The message your child hears is, "Yes, I love you and, yes, you can have your own way."
If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don't love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.
—Proverbs 13:24 (NLT)
"Don't buy the love of your children by letting them have their own way."
Dictatorial Dad
This is a father who controls too many aspects of his children's lives. "You will do it and, you will do it my way."
The message your child hears is, "I don't love you and, no, you can't have your way."
Three characteristics of a Godly Dad:
God's plan for Dads is to live life together with their kids!
Devoted Dad
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life...
—Deuteronomy 30:19-20
"Only by spending time together and spending time in their world do you earn the right to teach them things about life. If dad is not spending time, a serious credibility gap develops. The most common error dads make is expecting respect without relationship."
—Stephen Arterburn
"Rules without relationship leads to rebellion."
—Josh McDowell
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
—Ephesians 6:4
A devoted dad makes his children a time priority in life!
Affirming Dad
Our children need the affirmation of knowing they have both unconditional love and structure in their lives. "Yes, I love you and because I love you, you can't have your own way."
The goal of affirmation: Parenting the heart instead of parenting for performance.
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child...
—Proverbs 22:15
For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.
—1 Thessalonians 2:11-12
Discipling Dad
The number one job of a dad is to disciple his children. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
—Proverbs 22:6
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
—Deuteronomy 6:5-9
Lifework
Parenting isn't for cowards. When seeking to be a good dad, you quickly learn that caring for your children is a spiritual battlefield as well as a spiritual treasure chest. Only God can help you influence your children positively. This will require time, patience and lots of prayer.
Extreme Makeover Family Edition—Week 6
Personal and Group Study
Getting Started
- What really bugs you about kids today? What really bugs you about parents today?
- What was important to your dad that you learned by his actions rather than his words?
Digging Deeper: Read Mark 10:13-16
- Why do you think the disciples felt that children were not worth taking up Jesus' time?
- What did Jesus' response communicate to the disciples and every one else present?
- What child-like qualities does Jesus commend?
- According to Jesus, who benefits most from entering into the world of a child and taking time to spend with them? What are some of the benefits of spending time with kids?
- What do Jesus' actions in verse 16 tell us about what children need?
- What does this passage say to those of us whom God has seen fit to bless with children?
Applying It To My Life
- What parenting style did your parents use to raise you? A) Distracted B) Accommodating C) Dictatorial D) Devoted-affirming- discipling. How is your parenting the same or different from your parents'?
- How has God been a parent to you? Who has been a parent to you besides your own parents?